Disordered

Beneath a San Antonio sky
you tried to hold me
tried to hold me, but I
didn’t trust you, couldn’t trust
couldn’t imagine a thing such as us
and thought that was easier

Beneath April’s fickle stars
you tried to kiss me
while I tried too hard
to make you love me
not just to make love to me
but it wasn’t me you loved

Beneath a single lamp pole
I tried to hold you
cried while I tried to scold
but you couldn’t hear me
couldn’t bear to be near me
already a fifth away

Beneath an army issue sun
I wanted to chase you
but you would not, could not run
so I chased the darkness
tried to cut out the hardness
and wept only bloody tears

Beneath a sky that alone was true
I was being me
and you were being you
your blue eyes faded like the sky
you stole a kiss and said goodbye
and maybe that was best

***
Although I wrote a lot (of garbage mostly) in San An, I haven't written much about San An. This is new, it leaped, largely formed, from a stray thought I suddenly had about Theresa. She's one of the people that I'd really like to apologize to. If you think you are her, drop me a line...