I
I hate myself,
and I hate myself,
because I hate me,
and I hate all I have done,
and I hate what I think,
and I hate the life I'm living,
and I hate... I hate...
me.
***
In a way I'm sorry that I'm pulling some of this old stuff out, but there is a reason for it, or maybe reasons. I do want to get the few good things back out in the air, but I'm also working through a few things that have me thinking about this stuff, and... well, it's always been easier outside than inside.
and I hate myself,
because I hate me,
and I hate all I have done,
and I hate what I think,
and I hate the life I'm living,
and I hate... I hate...
me.
***
In a way I'm sorry that I'm pulling some of this old stuff out, but there is a reason for it, or maybe reasons. I do want to get the few good things back out in the air, but I'm also working through a few things that have me thinking about this stuff, and... well, it's always been easier outside than inside.
posted by Jonathan E. at
10:49 PM
2 Comments:
Why does this remind me of Romans 7? ;-)
By
Anonymous, at 7:32 AM
I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Romans 7:18-19
How interesting of you to notice that. For all of the talk in that other about finding God in my own words, I don’t often notice Him, nor would I necessarily think to look for Him in my darker stuff, and I consider that piece to be particularly dark. You’ve really got me thinking about the fact that, prior to my really beginning to feel called to live into my faith I didn’t consider any of what I was doing to be the work of God (In Episcopal liturgy we regularly talk about “the work God has given us to do.”). And I certainly never looked back from that point to the stuff I had written before to see if I could find traces of Him there. I need to go back and look at some of it a little more critically… not that I’m not critical of most of it anyway. There are a lot of pieces where I was in the throes of tremendous despondency, or when I was writing with a clear intent to capture the attention of and manipulate some people, which I am clear are NOT of God. But we all have things we’ve done that we aren’t proud of... I just happened to write about most of mine… :-P
Very astute of you, though, and very, very cool. I really love it when people show me stuff I’ve never seen in my own writing
By
Jonathan E., at 8:30 PM
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